I had plans. Never to grow up. Then life intervened.

The husband was earnestly teaching gender and baby animals to the daughter.

“Appa dog is a dog, baby dog is a puppy, and amma dog is called a bitch”.

(You know where I’m going with this.)

Oops, wrong example?, he asks me. Too late, I tell him. The daughter goes on to prove it.

“So appa, you are a dog, I am a puppy, and amma is a bitch”.

“You’re a bitch, amma”.

I heard you the first time, kanna. Loud and clear.

In other words, open marriages. I used to think they were simply about having multiple partners, and mostly about sex (as opposed to committed relationships) but reading this article has made me change my mind a little- http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/26/open-marriage-_n_4345000.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592. (Do watch the video too.)

Michael is married to Kamala*. Michael’s girlfriend Rachael lives with them, and helps raise Michael and Kamala’s son. Kamala and Rachael have other partners as well, both male and female. In my books, it’d be just that- a piece of fiction. Or a badly-conceived reality show. In actuality, it works well for some.

I just wonder how they deal with it on a daily basis. I’d imagine feelings of jealousy, possessiveness, anger and resentment to be getting the better of the people involved and their ‘pod’, but they appear to not mind it at all. They, in fact, thrive on the presence of the other partners.

Me? I believe in monogamy**. Even if there were problems in my marriage. Even if me or my husband were unhappy with each other. Polyamory is most definitely ‘not my bag’. So, positing this as a possible solution to counter high divorce rates seems naive and misplaced. Is polyamory something that one acquires when in relationship trouble? Wouldn’t it be a natural trait? My personal belief is that whether humans are naturally polyamorous or not, it is not widely practised in order to avoid the anarchy that would ensue. Although this report suggests anything but. There’s the seed for multiple research projects right there– the concept is certainly food for thought. I especially like the emphasis on honesty and communication. I guess that is something we could all surely have more of.

What about you, dear readers? Are you monogamous by choice or conditioning? When you think open marriage, do you see yourself having one?

* I kept wondering who Kamala reminded me of- anyone else think she resembles Padma Lakshmi?

** I’m weirdly amused that I’m ruminating on this topic on the very day of my tenth wedding anniversary!

Someone I know is going through a trying time and might possibly be headed towards a divorce. She needs professional help- would any of you happen to know of women’s organisations in Madras (Chennai) that deals with such issues? I’d greatly appreciate your input. Thank you.

Do you read Matt Walsh’s blog? If you haven’t before, I urge you to read his latest article on abortion- http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/29/its-time-to-end-the-stigma-of-infanticide/.

It goes without saying that the comments are as important as the post itself. I’d write out my thoughts on pro-choice and call out the often political and religious remarks that run through several of the author’s and commenters’ arguments, but my thinking is severely clouded by outrage and shock, so writing is a no-go.

I’m curious about your views- are you pro-life or pro-choice, and why?

You have a new fan, ma’am.

I was watching her interview this morning and was so taken in by how articulately she tackled the (sometimes trashy) questions. In particular, I held my breath when she was asked, “Female molestation occurs across ages- babies and grandmothers get raped. Yet many people choose to blame the woman as the one who incites men by wearing immodest clothes. Do you think the way a woman dresses has any bearing on rape?”

[I held my breath because I half expected her to agree, and follow it up with a moral lecture on how women should learn to dress in accordance with their culture.] She said instead, “That is rubbish. This is a problem with social mentality. We’ve been told time and again that a woman is inferior to man and you see this happen all around even now. If clothes were the problem, why doesn’t a woman look at the komanam-clad farmers and tell herself that she’s going to have a go at them?”

Amen.

Here was another gem. Many parents bring up their daughters as sons (payyan madiri valathirken), others bring them up as homely, ozhungana girls. What really is the right way to bring up a girl?

[Maybe she wasn’t nitpicking, but she might have wanted to tell the male anchor off for referring to homely girls as proper.]

Bring up a girl as a girl. When someone declares that they’ve brought up their daughter like a son, they think they’ve done a remarkable feat because they view the boy as superior. When you remark that a girl sings as well as MS, it means that MS was an expert singer and it’s meant to be a compliment because she’s training herself to reach MS’s stature. But why’s the boy held up as superior to the girl without even having to try? This is wrong and has to change.

Yes, thank you for thinking this way and saying it aloud. God knows how much you may have had to struggle and yet managed to keep your spirit intact.

Someone I know called me a career-oriented woman. Phbt and all that. Holding a job does not make one career-oriented, no?

P.S: It was meant as a barb, as in, ‘You’re a mom, and you still choose to continue to work, and leave your child at daycare, rather than stay at home and care for her yourself.’

P.P.S: If only employers acknowledged working moms, and gave us 2-, or 3-day work weeks with the option of working from home. Oh wait, they did and found that it came back to bite their backsides? Then again, my job precludes the option of working from home.

What’s every wannabe’s dream?

To appear on The Oprah Winfrey Show.

(But that’s so last millennium.)

To have a Wiki page dedicated to him/her.